How They Met

Steven and Kurt met in a bar in Lowell, MA in August, 1983. Kurt noticed Steven playing pinball. Breaking his rule to never talk to strangers, Kurt approached Steven and said: “you suck at that!” By October, Kurt offered Steven a ring. That was 32-and-a-half years ago!

Despite living in rural communities in the northeast, Steven and Kurt found their families to be incredibly accepting. “Only 3 months after our meeting in the bar, we introduced each other to our families. My mother instantly called him her adopted son. His dad invited me to sit down and have a shot with him,” said Steven. “In the cities, people are conflicted about status, fitting in. There’s something we’ve always found more accepting about smaller communities. People just don’t talk about things they don’t need to.” The couple made Windham, NH their home.

Lasting Love

Decades into their relationship, Kurt sent Steven a message on Facebook: a marriage proposal written in Russian. Steven declined saying he was sticking to his position about marrying only when the right to marry were federally granted. But as states rapidly began recognizing same-sex marriage, Steven could see the writing on the wall, and so wrote on Kurt’s Facebook wall his proposal to marry. And, so they did last September.

Theirs may be the first gay wedding held in a Masonic Temple. Kurt has been a Mason for many years and, along with his fellow brothers, has supported numerous charitable endeavors and the Masonic mission of making good men, better. In fact, charity actually became a vital part of their ceremony.

Giving Back

Having experienced an open and accepting community throughout their relationship, they committed their wedding to supporting charities helping at risk LGBT youth. “It was important to us to funnel support and awareness to LGBT youth and give them an opportunity to see that there is a world that works… people need to support people.” Steven and Kurt set up the first True Love Fund on Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors Fund’s site and invited their guests to contribute to it. Others of their guests donated artworks and jewelry to a silent auction they couple held during their reception. And, they went so far as to forego professional photography and flowers, focusing their budget only on food.

The Ceremony

They kept the ceremony simple, too: 2 songs and a 5-minute sermon by their officiant, a friend of Steven’s from his banking past. After 32 years together, what was there left to express that couldn’t be covered in 5 minutes? But, the moment it became official, Steven said: “There was a reverence in stating it. I never thought it would change us emotionally, but it did. In our soul, somewhere deep inside us that validation resonated. I have no words to describe it, but I love my husband more every day.”

For Steven and Kurt their wedding was ultimately about their eclectic community of friends and family being fully themselves, with each other, and in support of others in need. “It was an extraordinary feast for the eyes, an array of people being comfortable being themselves.” And, as we often hear from couples, Steven said that the snafus along the planning way were simply not worth worrying about given the intensity of the love and family that they experienced as they said: “I do.” Kurt added: “Having your parents and family present at your wedding is the most fantastic experience you can have.”

But, no simple effort goes unnoticed! Their local press covered the wedding and its charitable focus. Before Steven and Kurt knew it, media outlets across the US reported on their wedding. And, no sooner did their wedding story break, were the newlyweds receiving messages of congratulations and support from people far and wide, including Helen Reddy Hillary Clinton! She’s with them!

32 years later, Steven and Kurt are proof that the only rule to follow when it comes to marriage is to believe in humanity and let love lead the way.