Ben & Josh: Intimate Southern California Wedding on Mt. Helix
Photography – Jess Ballerstein
Flashback to Denver in 2018. Josh was attending a conference with friends, and Ben was visiting from Kansas City to attend the same conference. The two met amongst mutual friends just long enough for a quick introduction and hello. “I was smitten and asked if Ben was single, but alas, he was not. Months later, Ben was single again and visiting Denver once more. Tinder helped us reconnect and we both swiped right! It was fate for two reasons: Ben never swiped right on people he knew (there's probably a story there somewhere). And second, I had been free from all social media for 6 months but randomly had the urge to date again and download Tinder. Ben was the first profile that popped up.”
Josh and Ben talked over the phone for the next few weeks, and after a bit of phone-dating, Josh decided to take the trip and drive to Kansas City to visit Ben. “Ben planned an adorable little weekend full of sightseeing, yummy food, romantic overlooks, and even meeting some close friends! Our first date was at a Kansas City BBQ spot in Westport. After that, we walked in a gorgeous park that overlooked the city and held hands. About an hour later we were back at Ben's house where Ben asked, "Can I kiss you yet?" Of course I was totally ready and excited to kiss this sweet man so we kissed, and stayed up late chatting... it was an amazing first date.”
“We were both scared but so excited. Ben often spoke about how his heart felt like it was in a million pieces from past boyfriends not treating it well. He was scared to show me the pieces and even more scared that my love for him someday could possibly glue those pieces back together. I was confident that Ben was going to be my husband. I knew from early on because it just felt like our souls were meant to be together. There was so much peace and comfort that neither of us had ever felt before. There is so much excitement to feel those things, but so much fear that it might be too good to be true.
For both of us, this was a journey of little things that added up over time. In the end, we realized that our hearts were each other's best friend. We might argue or have a fight, but we always come back into our love for each other. We always are able to say sorry and admit when we we're wrong. We not only love each other, we cherish the other for who they are. We love the most simple raw version of one another. When those things became apparent, we knew we were destined to be.”
On January 1st, 2020, Josh planned to make the move to propose. “It was late in the day and we had just taken a nice walk with the puppy. I had been planning it for months but just couldn't find the right time. I had written a poem to read to him which I carried around with me at all times with the ring, waiting for the right moment. Well the moment came... we were sitting in our lovely downtown apartment, the sunset flooded the living room. Ben was reading in his little nook. I asked him to join me on the couch and he came right over and laid his head on my lap. I told him I needed to look at him in the eyes and that I had a little gift for him for New Year’s. He sat up and I got the poem out of my pocket and with sweaty hands and a shaky voice, I read it to him. He was completely not expecting anything more than a sweet love poem, until the last 2 lines of the poem: “Now with all of this said, and my heart on my sleeve, it's time for me to get on one knee...” Ben's facial expression changed and he almost looked like a puppy with a little crooked head looking back at me. "My sweetest Ben, my boopie, my love, will you marry me?" I fumbled for the ring, dropped it in the dark crevices of the couch and meanwhile forgot to get on one knee. Ben started to cry, as did I, and we ended up just hugging for a solid minute, soaking up the beauty of the moment. After our embrace ended, I asked, "So… is that a yes?" We laughed and Ben said, "Of course!" I told him, "Good, I didn't want to spend another day of 2020 not being your fiancé." I found the ring and we spent the evening cuddling and dreaming up some wedding plans!”
The two continued to plan their wedding over the next several months. They found their dream venue at a private home in Mt. Helix, California, providing an intimate Southern California setting for their celebration. The wedding date was set for September, 19th, 2020.
“Our wedding day was a lovely, sacred day filled with the people we care about most. We were surrounded by those who love us unconditionally! We wanted to do something small and intimate. We also wanted to do something a bit unique. We decided to have a 5-day party in California with our best friends and family, a total of 24 people! We rented a huge house for us and our wedding party to stay while our other guests and family stayed nearby. We had beach days, dinners, mani-pedis, zoo trips, wineries, lots of drinks, chatting, and laughter! During our friends-cation, we got up on Saturday the 19th and had an 11am wedding on the rental home deck, atop Mt. Helix, with one hell-of-a-view. It was a beautiful, emotional and intimate ceremony that we shared with our chosen family.”
Josh and Ben joined hands amongst their closest friends and recited their vows. Ben read to Josh, "You are my most precious gift Joshua. Nothing compares to your beauty, a beauty that radiates from within. I am captivated by you Josh."
Josh Responded, "So here is my final promise to you Ben, I promise to choose you every morning when I wake up and I promise to cherish and love your beautiful heart until the day I die."
A close friend of Ben and Josh’s wrote this over the celebration, "I've been to quite a few hetero-church-weddings in my day, including my own, but nothing can compare to the sacredness of this ceremony today. The spirit was hovering in and through all of us. Not a dry eye in sight." The ceremony was followed by a boozy mimosa brunch, music, and of course, cake. Following brunch, the group took a break for post-mimosa-naps, then they all drove to Coronado Beach for an evening beach fire. “We all hung out with In & Out burgers, s'mores, the sound of the tide creeping in and the light of the moon hovering above. We had people from different friend-groups and Ben and I got to watch as our friends became friends. We walked along the beach talking about how beautiful the day was and how lucky we are to be loved by so many amazing people. We got home late after watching the embers die down and fell asleep as husbands, feeling like the best days of our lives are yet to come!”
It is not easy to plan a wedding during a global pandemic. Josh and Ben felt a sense of peace as their wedding day approached, knowing that the plans they had put in place were safe for themselves and those attending. “We had planned this wedding for 9 months and thankfully what we wanted was already Covid-friendly! I was stressed, however, that it might still get canceled, so the anxiety leading up to the day was intense. I made sure to plan every detail I could think of, so that on the day of, we could sit back and thoroughly enjoy the day! We also wanted it to feel like a family gets together, so the pressure of a stuffy black-tie event was far, far away. We just felt peace and love. The day absolutely flew by, but we were so present in each moment so as not to forget every feeling, every smell, every moment. It was perfect for us.
The most surprising thing about planning a wedding is no matter how closely you paid attention to every detail and made sure everything would go according to plan... some things do not go according to plan. However, I learned that those moments are what make the day memorable, special and unique. Who wants a perfect wedding—perfect is boring.”
When asked what advice the newlyweds would give other couples, Ben and Josh responded, “Lean into the fact that each of you are unique and planning styles might be quite different. Give room for each other to plan how they need to. Honor each other during this time and enjoy the process. We did not do this well but learned a lot for our future as husbands.
Be present. Ben and I, several times throughout the day, stepped away from the group and soaked it all in. We just wanted to stand in each moment and remember the feelings, take in the views, and rest in the love that surrounded us.”
Ben and Josh’s honeymoon got postponed due to the pandemic, however that didn’t phase them as they were able to have a 5-day vacation with some of their closest friends. “We had some time away to really enjoy each other and our friends. We also did have 1 day just the two of us and we got sushi, walked along the beach and stayed in a beautiful downtown hotel. Australia or Italy may be in our future for a 1 year anniversary trip!”
Photography – Jess Ballerstein (Instagram)
Officiant – Joy Wishtun
Invitation Design – Minted
Catering – Daneen Green
Cake Design – Frost Me Bakery
Apparel – Paisley and Gray
Floral Design – Sugar Rose Flowers (Instagram)
Rentals – Farm and Field Events San Diego
